Shoot who?

elmer-fudd

“Catch-22” is one of my all time favorite books.  It is is a satirical World War II novel by American author Joseph Heller and I  have read it 3 or 4 times.

There are a lot of great characters in it and for those that use the phrase  “catch 22” and don’t know what it means, Heller might help with this explanation …  there was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one’s safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn’t, but if he were sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn’t have to; but if he didn’t want to he was sane and had to.  Get it … if not read the book.  One of my favorite lines is from General Dreedle … “just take him outside and shoot him”

It is that time of the year when I want to take them (the people responsible for “holiday” advertisements”) outside and shoot them.

Can’t even to begin to list these commercials … they’re endless, one worse than the next.

but…

I know you have seen this one … the commercial with a politically correct couple in full “holiday” morning dress, their two young kids dressed impeccably and, of course, a dog with a red ribbon around its neck.  The man, I assume, the husband/father gets up and puts a blindfold around his wife…. no no … I’m not going into the fifty shades of gray bull shit (haven’t read it) …. leading her outside to the driveway and  sitting in the drive is a

… new Mercedes with a big red ribbon around it…fuck off…who the fuck are they trying to impress?

I don’t know anyone that has ever done anything like this, perhaps you do and then, obviously, you run in a circle way beyond mine.

Though he is no friend, I can actually picture Roger Goodell doing this with deflated tires and telling his wife that the car performs better this way.   Oh ya he is also on the “take him outside” list.

I also want to take anyone that says “at the end of the day” outside and shoot them but what I do instead is ask “do you mean 11:59PM or do you mean at the end of the business day “4:59PM” or are you just a fucking moron?

STOP IT … IT SOUNDS STUPID!

So does “literally’  ” elephant in the room”  no fucking shit …. how the fuck did it get in …. ya literally.  Oh I left the door open…my bad, well just take the asshole outside and shoot him…ya literally, and while you’re at it, the fucking elephant too….and if you say “my bad” one more time the elephant will shit on you before I shoot it.

Yes of course I know I’m an asshole…that’s my job now.

asshole

There are some commercials I am looking forward to and those would be the Guinness Beer Christmas  and Budweiser spots…sounds like a trend here…a friend of mine once told me that he had to take a “class” after he was caught drinking and driving and said that everyone in the class would talk about where and what they were going to have to drink when they got out of the class.  This same friend goes on “At this stage of my life, why the fuck should I waste my time with assholes and people I don’t like.”  Can’t argue with that so I’m on board.  Literally.

Do you think there will be more commercials that actually say “Merry Christmas”  now that people are fed up with all this PC shit.   I’m leaning to, if someone says, happy holidays and then you say what holiday would that be?  Maybe they would be forced to say “Christmas” or more likely… fuck off you asshole.

Speaking of jobs, I have another one in addition to the above “asshole” position.

I’ll be sneaking away soon to assume a new part time job forecasting the weather in Ireland.  I think I’ve got this down pat….It will go something like this, today is slightly drizzly and very fucking overcast. Only ten fucking minutes ago it was fucking sunny.  I suppose in another ten fucking minutes it’ll be fucking torrential monsoon type fucking rain.  Followed shortly thereafter by fucking Hurricane fucking Biddy and a fucking asteroid shower. and now for some pictures of people that are celebrating their birthdays and are over 100 years old and have suffered through all this shit for a fucking long time…Happy Birthday and Happy  Christmas.  Over to Nigel for the latest in sports…Hey Nigel that nil – nil soccer or football game or whatever you fucking  call it was real exciting…for sure, I can’t wait for that 3 day cricket match coming up, I think I’ll bring a gun.

If you’re not aware by now the Irish have a very colorful vocabulary and several words are used quite frequently.   I’m picking up a few key ones along the way.

…and if I”m not back at you before Christmas.  Have a Happy, Safe and loving Christmas.

This was my 199th blog post, I invite you all to send your musings and the best will become the 200th. 

living-artists-paints

Looking for some great Christmas gifts then go directly to the artist:

http://www.pegasusartisans.com  Don Hoaglund

www.facebook.com/carol.veiga.39   Carol Veiga

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JN7k30onYz0iton  Jimmi Sherrington

www.facebook.com/ken.carson3?fref=pb&hc_location=friends_tab&pnref=friends.all

Ken Carson

www.driftwoodartdesigns.com   dan carney

and all the risk takers at

http://www.artbank.bunclody.eu/

logo new

Posted in America, Art, Politics, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

“The” Commissioners

If you don’t know who Roger Goodell and Tom Brady are you might as well be reading Alice in Wonderland.

were-all-mad-here

gooddel-kraftbeaver-dam Do we agree that the weather (not so much for the Bills game) for football has been relatively  mild and that footballs should not be affected by this type of weather.  I also understand that, as in the past, all quarterbacks play with the same footballs. I also note, that since Mr. Brady has returned to the Patriots and with his handling of the same footballs that others use, he is a ‘bit’ more efficient and as a result, the team is doing quite well.

Can I hear an amen?

brady…and should we expect that Mr. Goodell to make a trip down or as Mainers say, up I 95 to the Shaver Dome on Route 1 any time soon?

One would hope that Commissioner Goodell is enjoying his new home and neighbors in Maine….and oh ya his $34,000.000.00  a year salary.

goodell-home Speaking of Maine…and Moosehead Lake.  I wasn’t speaking of Moosehead Lake and other things, but I will anyway.

moosehead You may not be aware that Maine beavers have formed a tree dam building league and the Captain of the Moosehead Lake Flat Tails has been suspended for 5 dam building matches for, as the league Commissioner outlined in his statement,  ‘floating’ in ‘soft’ logs.

beaver-2 …I say make a beaver hat out of this buck teeth cheater.

The owner of the Moosehead Tails has ‘rolled’ over and will forfeit hard wood and lots of branches. The Commissioner has also suspended a tail back of the Portland Beavers for 1 match, let me repeat that for 1 match, ‘for’ excessive and abusive action on a female beaver.  I can imagine that there was a lot of locker room talk about that one.

beaver-teeth

…buy the rascal a beer.

The Commissioner from both leagues seem to have cozy relationships with the owners in their respective leagues.  $34,000,000.00 for one and all the twigs of aspen they can eat (favorite food) for life and a suite at the Moosehead Dam Ritz for the other, not bad deals.

loggers2Aside from all this BS… I must confess I have a special place in my heart for Moosehead Lake, my father used to bring us up there when we were kids.  He, as a young man, was a logger and as he explained it, if you fell off a log you never came back up.

Never came back up.  What a way to make a buck.

My Dad attended the Clay (before he was Ali) Liston fight in Lewiston Maine but missed it, he was at the bar buying a beer.

I watched a documentary on Joe Willy recently.  I know, he wasn’t from Maine but one of his girl friends must have been.  It was great and did you know he signed with the Jets for $400,000.00 plus a Lincoln convertible.  If you get a chance and even if don’t like him, it is well worth watching.

joe-will

Just in off the wire…the beavers on the lake in the back of Goodell’s estate have applied for a franchise in the dam building league. Goodell fired off an email, yes an email to Commissioner Beaver…FUCK YOU… not on my property…strong letter to follow.

I believe Roger the Dodger is an attorney and therefore able to pen such  detailed and forceful documents.

vote

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in America, Sports, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

L’Étoile du Nord

my-pillowIf you have never seen a My Pillow advertisement on TV or listened to one on the radio welcome back to earth. 

Hey I don’t sleep much and I  got sick and tired of these ads so I bought one.  Why…because Mike tells me all his pillows are made in Minnesota, that his pillow is the National Sleep Association’s official pillow… thinking his ads would go away and foolish me, help me sleep.  

His pillows are made in Minnesota.

Have you bought gold from William Devane yet?

Well apparently you better hurry up because Minnesota is running out of gold.

I am not saying this charity is not a good one but please enough of this song and advertisement.  I will not post the song cuz if I did I would have to start taking drugs made in Minnesota…but I have posted a before and after picture of this “kid”.  The ad has been around for awhile and the “kid” is no longer a kid.  He now conducts his “business” in Minnesota.

karscar-thiefOne on my all time favorites advertising campaigns featured a girl called Rula Lenska an English actress. She mainly appeared in United Kingdom productions, but also appeared in a US advertising campaign that presented her as a celebrity.  If your not around my age you won’t have a clue who she is and for that matter, when the ads were run, no one had a clue who she was either.

…But what I like about the campaign was she was presented as a celebrity and because of that she became one.

Hi…I’m Rula Lenska

Rula now lives in New Ulm Minnesota with  “beaver” the cat who is a celebrity in her own right.

Coming next the “Commissioners”  … Brady…Goodell … and beaver refugees from Minnesota.

Hope you enjoyed it LEC.

Posted in America, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Pink Cadillac

“Only those who dare will drive the world forward” is a line from a new commercial for Cadillac and it got me thinking about risk takers.  Again.

In my lifetime, that would included  people like Neil Armstrong, Bill Russell, Ronald Reagan, George Carlin, Andy Warhol, Bill Gates, Condoleezza Rice, John Coltrane, Warren Zevon and Ferris Bueller.


I would suspect that early mistakes, setbacks and a mindset to succeed drove them to greatness.

Those that dare make mistakes.  Those that dare live life.  Those that dare drive the world.

Not too sure if they drive a Cadillac.

Why the above?  I’m sure your list is different and as Ferris would say “Life moves pretty fast.  If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.”

I can’t imagine what Ferris’ story would be like if he took Cameron’s VW rather than the Ferrari.

Well now…I assume all of you have seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and therefore know what I’m talking about.  I just watched it for the “lost count” time.

…and


I’m at a convention in Atlanta and before I hit the floor I’m having a quick beverage in the bar at my hotel.  There are four people in the bar, the bartender, me and two guys at the end of the bar. One of the guys is Ben Stein, he plays the high school teacher in the movie and I start saying loader and loader “anyone, anyone, anyone”  and he waves me over and we had a great chat about politics and Ferris.

 

 

A business colleague of mine used to say “In your lifetime you will take at least two trips in a Cadillac, one when you are matched and the other when your detached.

I have said it many times before, those that offer up their soul through a creative life,  that dares to present their work before the public, are true risk takers.  Risk takers that would have no problem driving the world forward in a Pink Cadillac.

Once again I must salute risk taker John Renwick and all the volunteers and artists that have made ArtBank a great success.  If you have the time and interest take a look at www.artbank.bunclody.eu/.

You might find it daring.


logo newIf I may also suggest you re-visit the top of the page and look at the picture and listen to  Keep me in your heart by Zevon again.  It’s the last track on this album and if you don’t know anything about him it’s a teary farewell to family, friends and fans.  The picture tells it all.

Warren Zevon knew he was dying when he began recording his final and best album and two weeks after it was released he did.

He also had a bunch of famous friends willing to help him out one last time. Jackson Browne, Tom Petty and Bruce Springsteen all joined him in the studio.

Read More: How Warren Zevon Said Goodbye With ‘The Wind’ | http://ultimateclassicrock.com/warren-zevon-the-wind/?trackback=tsmclip

Warren Zevon a true risk taker to the end.

Posted in America, Art, Music, Uncategorized | 2 Comments

clean shave

dan1

It is time to rob a bank. 

…and why you may ask would I do that.  I have had a beard for a good part of my life, a white one at that and it will soon be gone.  So when my picture is taken by all the security cameras with a, I think I’ll dye it red, beard, the authorities will be totally confused….oh ya.

A decent beard has long been the number one must-have fashion item for any fugitive from justice. – Craig Brown

Something just doesn’t seem right with this plan.  Maybe I should consider a 7/11 store or a Cumberland Farms gas station.  I need some help here.  There has got to be a way I can make money on this deal.

dan5…and then there are people that say, no one will buy your stuff if you don’t have a beard.  I am trying to figure that one out cuz no one buys my stuff with a beard either.

IMG_7019IMG_7116IMG_2389IMG_7303

IMG_5725IMG_6052IMG_6579

Ok…I heard what you just said.

The Urban Beardsman lists five reason for growing a beard and they are:

  1.  Beards look cool
  2. Someone else suggests it
  3. Staying warm
  4. Utter laziness
  5. Covering up what’s beneath

Once again you may ask, why did I grow a beard, you might as well ask the most interesting man in the world.

most inyeresting man2

I suspect my answer would be different than his.

duck_dynasty-1135914…to be continued

Please check out some great work from my friends at

www.artbank.bunclody.eu

 

logo new

Posted in America, Art, Ireland, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

look closely

 

 

look closely

what do you see

IMG_3945

what do you see

in

a sun rise

is it a new beginning

is it a new life

look closely

it is not always clear

it is not always what it seems

does it make you think

of what the day will bring

of what will be done

or

not done

the clouds paint the picture

and seconds change the scene

what do you see

in

a sun rise

take the time

do take the time

don’t put it off

look closely

and let your soul free

and you will see….

clearly

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

i remember

yew
i remember
when
she was born
and i held her in my arms
and she became my life

i remember clearly
i remember yesterday
i remember a little girl
in the sand and in the water
as the seagulls watched closely
and the tide came in and the tide went out
i see my life

i see a young girl
i remember clearly
i remember yesterday
i remember a young girl
as she looked forward
to tomorrow

i see a young woman
i remember clearly
i remember yesterday
as she embraced the rain
and the rainbow that showed the way
i see my life
as the sun came up
as the sun went down

as i remember…as i remember
i now see a beautiful, caring woman,
she is true and
in love
but just as the sun rises and sets
and the tide comes in and goes out
she will always…she will always
be my little girl

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

I’m out of milk

dick tracyThe face of my watch is broken and I’m thinking about getting a new one because when I’m away from home I would like to know if I have enough milk and cold beers in the fridge. Huh?

faxAahh…don’t ya just love this new technology?

…but then again, I still have a difficult time understanding the process of putting a piece of paper into a machine, calling up a number and the exact copy of that paper comes out of another machine thousands of miles away in a matter of seconds.

Now I am being asked to understand that you can call up your refrigerator on your cell phone so you can look to see what is or is not in it.  They go for around what you would pay for a small car.

look in fridge

or…

When someone rings your door bell and you’re not at home, your cell phone will alert you and you will be able to see who is at the door and communicate with them like your really there…or watch your dog tear up every thing in the house and all the while you thought it was the cat.

Now what I do understand is losing a bet in a pub and having to hitch hike around Ireland with a fridge.

round ireland with fridgeMy lap top is an antique and I do believe it is on it’s last legs so what do I do, buy a refurbished one on e-bay.  So what happens my old one is pissed because I bought another one and is now working better than the refurbished one.  Oh yes cars and machines have a soul and they can sense when you’re going to get a new one or at least think about getting a new one. My cell phone is not smart and will never be able to talk to a refrigerator but thinks it can.  Not sure what I’m going to do with that situation.

I drive a car that can not park itself and God knows that I certainly can’t park one.  I think I’ll wait until they get this whole thing down about cars driving them self.

self driving

Apparently it is all about apps.  Do all these apps make you smarter and your life easier?  If they do, and I can understand how they function and don’t have to look for some eight year old kid to show me how everything works and when it doesn’t, how to fix it, I’m in.

Hey, I’m sorry, I’m going to have to leave you cuz a refrigerator in the local appliance store is calling or trying to call my cell phone and an Amazon drone is at my door with my new fax machine and watch. 

amazon-prime-drone-4

Posted in America, Ireland, Stories, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

feeling blue…catch the show or moon dance with clowns

 

IMG_7159 - Copy

you convince yourself

the show

the sun rise
is just for you

but is it really?


the setting sun

IMG_7138 - Copy
seems to attract crowds
but not today
the show again

is for me alone

am I selfish?
shouldn’t beauty like this
be shared?
not today
perhaps tomorrow

IMG_7162

 

eyes

look into the eyes
and you will see the person
look deeper and see beyond tomorrow

look into the eyes
for they are the windows
to the soul
and the wonder of imagination

IMG_7019

 ,
Well I don’t know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain’t right,
I’m so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I’m wondering how I’ll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you.
Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you,
And I’m wondering what it is I should do,
It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face,
Losing control, yeah, I’m all over the place,
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
Well you started out with nothing,
And you’re proud that you’re a self made man,
And your friends, they all come crawlin,
Slap you on the back and say,
Please…. Please…..
Trying to make some sense of it all,
But I can see that it makes no sense at all,
Is it cool to go to sleep on the floor,
‘Cause I don’t think that I can take anymore
Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right,
Here I am, stuck in the middle with you.
Well I don’t know why I came here tonight,
I got the feeling that something ain’t right
I’m so scared in case I fall off my chair,
And I’m wondering how I’ll get down the stairs,
Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you,
Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you,
Stuck in the middle with you.
 Artist: Stealers Wheel
Stuck in the Middle With You Lyrics

 

 

IMG_7051

feeling blue

blue is the color
and the color is the feeling
thought is deep
imagination deeper
once is enough
and enough is never

i am the walrus
and the time has come

 

IMG_7062

if

if i gave you sunshine
would you smile?
if i gave you diamonds
would you smile?
if i gave you laughter
would you smile?
if i gave you tomorrow
would you smile?
if i gave you carrots
would you smile?

then tomorrow it is
and carrots too

moonbb

spotlight on buzzards bay

the waves sparkle like tiny candles
the beach fire points the way
the water laps the beach
and the mandolin sings a song
a gentle wind carries the sound
a sweet smell wakens the mind
the night invites you
to
dance on the bay
and sing along

the spotlight moves
candles flicker
and the fire clings to life

the mandolin plays on
as you moon dance
under the spotlight
on a buzzards bay night

IMG_7085

the saxophone and the groupie

the music man plays
and she listens
in need of each other
in need of the magic
for without the sweet sounds
never would they have met

newport’s listing
came out today
the music man was featured
and she was not
the music man plays
and she pays
one would not exist
without the other

IMG_7072IMG_7116

The writer of this blog supports and is a participating artist in ArtBank Bunclody, Ireland, a, not for profit, volunteer cultural center that relies on donations and grant funding.   You can follow ArtBank on facebook and at http://www.artbank.bunclody.eu/ and watch “found objects” on YouTube by clicking below the ArtBank logo

logo newDan Carney Found Objects – YouTube

…and we support and ask you to do the same

matt h

Posted in Art, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Adele “The best f**king story ever!”

 

LEICESTER, UNITED KINGDOM - MAY 02: Leicester City fans celebrate as their team becomes Premier League champions after watching the Barclays Premier League between Chelsea and Tottenham Hotspur on May 2, 2016 in Leicester, United Kingdom. Spurs' failure to win against Chelsea tonight sees Leicester City claim their first ever top flight title. (Photo by Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images)

LEICESTER, UNITED KINGDOM – MAY 02: Leicester City fans celebrate as their team becomes Premier League champions after watching the Barclays Premier League between Chelsea and Tottenham Hotspur on May 2, 2016 in Leicester, United Kingdom. Spurs’ failure to win against Chelsea tonight sees Leicester City claim their first ever top flight title. (Photo by Ross Kinnaird/Getty Images)

 

American sports fans take note.  The “football” world has a new and very unlikely champion.

I say unlikely because at the beginning of the season bookmakers were offering 5000 to 1 odds that they would win the championship.

…and it was more likely that Adele would not use the F word ever again.  Well no surprise here, she hasn’t stopped…

I even followed them in the Irish newspapers and week after week a reporter would say “any week now they will collapse”.

… and  Ladbrokes (a betting company) is  about to take a serious financial beating .

Student Karishma Kapoor, 20, was laughing all the way to the bank after betting £2 on her team winning at the start of the season – giving her a payout of £10,000.

Fairytale champion Leicester won the Premier League for the first time in the club’s 132 year history. Ecstatic fans rushed into the streets of Leicester on Monday as the outsiders won the Premier League in a victory seen as the most astonishing in the history of English football. I would venture to say that the celebrations will last well into the summer.

http://www.bbc.com/sport/football/36189552

The reactions from around the world include…

“Proud of you Spurs! But Leicester… What an inspiration, the best f***** story ever! Congratulations!!!! X”

– Grammy and Oscar-winning pop star Adele, who hails from the north London district of Tottenham

Massive congrats @LCFC! It’s been a thrill to follow all season. #worthychampions.”

– Former world number one golfer Rory Mcllroy

SHEFFIELD, ENGLAND - MAY 02: Mark Selby with a Leicester City football club flag after lifting the trophy after beating Ding Junhui to win the World Snooker Championship final at the Crucible Theatre on May 02, 2016 in Sheffield, England. (Photo by Gareth Copley/Getty Images)SHEFFIELD, ENGLAND – MAY 02: Mark Selby with a Leicester City football club flag after lifting the trophy after beating Ding Junhui to win the World Snooker Championship final at the Crucible Theatre on May 02, 2016 in Sheffield, England. (Photo by Gareth Copley/Getty Images

“Many congratulations to Leicester. An extraordinary, thoroughly deserved, Premier League title.”

– British Prime Minister David Cameron

There’s no doubt that is the greatest achievement in the history of our game. Football had become a closed shop with the same teams winning year after year and you never believed a story like this could happen. Statue for Ranieri in the morning I think.””

Former Liverpool defender Jamie Carragher

Maybe next year John Henry (Owner of Liverpool and the Boston Red Sox).

This uplifting tale of underdog vanquishing the mighty will reverberate through the decades. The phrase “doing a Leicester” will now enter the sporting lexicon.

Posted in America, Ireland, Sports, Uncategorized | Leave a comment