After four months in Ireland, my old BMW started right up upon returning to Milton. Unfortunately every light on the dash board was lit up but it didn’t stop me from driving it.
I was invited to join my sister and and brother in law for Easter dinner at a restaurant in Westport and thought it might be a good idea to have the car serviced before I went.
Drove it home and all was good to go.
Easter Sunday came and off I go and as I got to the Braintree split all the lights came on and I lost power. The traffic was heavy and cars around me were not pleased with my car’s performance.
After an extended wait, AAA came and towed my car to the shop that just worked on it. Once the car was dropped off I asked the driver to drop me off at a restaurant/bar in East Milton.
The restaurant was packed with well dressed families out for Easter dinner but no one was sitting at the bar. After several beverages a guy comes in and sits next to me. To say he was not dressed for Easter dinner would be kind. I said hello and we started talking. He had just left a restaurant on the next block because the bar tender was ignoring him and he suspected it was because of the way he was dressed. A certain homeless look, you might say.
I asked him if he was new to the area and he said he was in Massachusetts for business and was renting a house in Stoughton. He was commuting weekly from Northern California and every other week to Columbia.
And what business are you in I asked. “Cannabis…I own a 24 acre farm in Northern California and came to Massachusetts to establish a base.”
Would you happen to have any with you now, I continued. He then opened his jacket vest and he must have had 20 containers in individual pockets. He picked one out and gave it to me and I said how much do I owe you. Nothing… and we continued to drink.
He came around to ask me what I did and I explained that I no longer worked and that most of my career was in the television business. I added that I paint and attempt to play the fiddle on occasion .
He asked if I had any pictures of my paintings and I showed him what I had recently painted. He pulled out a roll of cash and said he liked two and that he would give me $500.00 to hold them for him. I said no, he should see them in person before he bought them.
We continued to drink.
He gave me his cell phone number on a card and asked me to call him so that he could pick up and pay for the paintings.
We continued to drink.
I finally left him at the bar and stumbled home. I was not used to walking that distance in cowboy boots.
The next morning got up and immediately looked for the card. I must have ripped the house apart.
Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
Only to find Gideon’s Bible
Rocky had come, equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival
His rival it seems, had broken his dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy
Her name was Magill, and she called herself Lil
But everyone knew her as Nancy
Now she and her man, who called himself Dan
Were in the next room at the hoe down
Rocky burst in, and grinning a grin
He said, “Danny boy, this is a showdown”
But Daniel was hot, he drew first and shot
And Rocky collapsed in the corner
The second night back from Ireland at around 2am I heard noises from the attic and initially thought it was mice. The noise got much louder and I thought…could be rats. The noise got louder and louder and I finally decided to investigate. I opened the attic door and focused my flashlight toward the noise.
Rocky Raccoon was now my tenant. I must say Rocky was well fed and was the biggest raccoon I have ever seen.. He looked at me and said I’m out on the town for awhile and I’ll be back so keep the doors open.
Rocky returned the next night and next and sleep was nowhere to be found. The battle was on.
Fortified the vents, kept the attic lights on with radio blasting. I opened the attic door just to see Rocky leaving for another night out… he turned toward me and smiled.
The next night it was pouring rain, it was 3am and I heard him trying to get in. I jumped out of bed ran outside in the rain and yelled, made noise and flashed lights on him. He came down and sat on the gutter and looked at me saying Hey dude it’s raining out and I want to stay dry.
I immediately went to the attic and made a barrier that Godzilla couldn’t get through.
Opened the back door to look up and there was Rocky sitting on my grill on the back deck. I picked up a heavy log and threw it at him. Missed and dented the cover of my grill.
Please let me revisit my bat story.
Home alone and Mary had hired a woman to clean the house every other week. I came home after a few beverages and ended up in bed. Sometime in the early morning hours I was awakened by a noise sounding like a toy jet flying around the room. I put my glasses on and a bat was heading right for me.
I jumped out of bed and room and closed the door. Went into the garage to get a rake and then returned to the bedroom. No more bat.
The next morning I went to work and left the rake on the bed.
Just so happened the cleaning lady showed up the next day.
My wife returned weeks later and asked her if things went well. She said fine but she couldn’t understand why I slept with a rake.
It was only starting to get strange when I started to take Rake drinking with me.
He said, “Rocky, you met your match”
And Rocky said, “Doc, it’s only a scratch
And I’ll be better, I’ll be better, Doc, as soon as I am able”
Now Rocky Raccoon, he fell back in his room
Only to find Gideon’s Bible
Gideon checked out, and he left it, no doubt
To help with good Rocky’s revival
Will Rocky return tonight or has he met his match.
Winning the euro lottery …BIG!!! Thank you very much…
…but before I get to that I must tell you of my interrogation at the Irish immigration office…
…so Mr. Carney your passport indicates that you stay in country longer than you are allowed. How long have you been doing this and hasn’t anyone ever questioned you about this?
…well I believe it would be about 8 years and no one has ever questioned me about it (I did not tell them of the time when upon arriving in country they were going to send me back on the next plane)
…do you have a job here? Yes I do…and what would that be? Getting up in the morning…wise arse…no sense of humor…
…reminded me of my Marine Corps potato chip story. I was assigned to the Joint Planning Group Headquarters Marine Corps. Before I started I had to meet with a Navy Psychiatrist. He asked a lot of questions and then asked me if there was anything strange about me. I thought for a while then said. My head sweats when I eat potato chips. He called for a Navy corpsman to go out and get a bag of chips. He gave then to me, I opened the bag and started eating…sure enough I started to sweat…he then asked if he could have one and I said no you bought them for me …wise arse he said
…oh ya back to the lottery…it will soon be public knowledge so I might as well tell you all that I hit the euro lottery big. I placed my bet yesterday morning and by 11pm was notified that I won.
Not a good time to tempt the law or regulations. That bank job is going to have to wait.
Apparently I should have gotten an Irish driver’s license some time ago… and… I’m only allowed to stay in country for three months…clearly stated on my passport. If you’re a regular reader of this blog you might remember when the authorities were going to put me on the next plane back to Boston just after I landed in Dublin.
Gee I have always done things by the book … except that time when … and perhaps when I … oh let’s not get into those minor details.
Today I took a “theory” test for rules of the road. Questions like … all multiple choice answers… What do you do if you kill a sheep in the road? a. hide the carcass in the bushes b. put it in the truck and sell it to your butcher c. tell the sheep farmer the sheep attacked you d. report it to the local priest. Had to guess on that one. And then… the gauge for petrol is on E and the car stops running what might be the problem? a. the seat belts are not fastened b. the left front tire is flat c. the hitchhiker you picked up is drinking out of a hose attached to the side of your car d. Donald Trump… this one was hard. What is the penalty for accidentally smelling a pint of Guinness and driving after? (believe me it is that bad over here re: drinking and driving) a. an all expense paid trip to Fall River Massachusetts b. 4-6 years at Mount Joy Prison c. an overnight with the local priest d. watching a 3 day cricket match
As you can see it was not an easy test…I had to have numerous smells of Guinness before I was back to normal. Oh ya I passed.
Should be all set to go … not so fast …now I have to take 12 fucking driving lessons at 450 euros and then pass the actual driving test.
As for staying in country for longer than 3 months, I would have to become an Irish citizen or continue to violate the law. Right now … in violation. My new friends from Chicago that live in the village have done both… got their Irish driver’s license and became dual citizens.
Back to the test. A few questions about eco-driving. What the fuck is eco-driving you ask. Well one of the questions was … What would not contribute to eco-driving? a. driving a well maintained vehicle b. driving safely c. taking public transportation d. impeaching Donald Trump
I recently asked a relative by marriage what was the main reason they hated Trump so much. His answer …climate control.
As always I refer to the late great George Carlin, one of the most liberal comics of all time, re: endangered species and climate control.
George Carlin – Saving the Planet
I’ll keep you posted on my progress … Mount Joy Prison looks like a comfortable place to visit for a while.
By the by Mount Joy Prison might sound familiar to regular readers. I have written about a certain IRA escape from there inA day to confess
I like to fish, surf casting, in the summer. When doing so all the mindless things floating around my little brain disappear and I am at peace with myself.
For the last few years I have been painting, doing found object/driftwood art and trying to learn five, that’s all, five songs on my 236 year old fiddle.
As with fishing, I am at peace and forget about the petty things that somehow bother me. Don’t understand why I should be bothered by anything, but … just five fucking songs.
On the art side, I was fortunate to have a private showing at ArtBank in Bunclody, Ireland and had an exhibit with my sister in Milton, Massachusetts. A documentary on me, by Dick Dona, actor, film producer, artist and his wife artist Marja Van Kampen, was also submitted to the Wexford Film Festival. I don’t believe it won.
As with the fiddle, I have taken lessons from two great musicians and teachers, Aidan Maher and Jeff Angeley. Recently a close friend of my son in law, an accomplished violin master, suggested to me “just five songs, Dan cuz you’re never going to make it to Symphony Hall”
Little does he know there’s a bar called Symphony Hall.
My sister Carol Veiga and brother Bob both went to a fine art school. I remember Bob putting some interesting price tags on some of his work and would say “people think it must be good if it costs this much”. I kind of followed his lead until I met a woman that does magical things with old windows. She invited me to display my stuff at a show on the Boston water front. She is married to a former Boston Bruin hockey player and he looked at my driftwood and found object art and said he liked it, then asked “if you cut your price would that change your life style?” “you probably would sell more and get the satisfaction that someone likes your work” He was right…and so was my brother.
I never made a living out of art…my sister and brother did. I’m just having some fun while getting lost…
A Carol Veiga painting…and Bob Carney drawing done when he was nineteen. You might see the difference between fun and talent.
I’ll get back to some painting now because sadly my constant companion and buddy was killed on the road up front. He was abandoned two years ago and found us and never left. RIP Jake…
John Cage did and his 4’33” commands you to listen. Most people will dismiss this creative presentation as a joke.
Did high school, college teach you to listen? Life teaches you to listen, your j0b teaches to listen. One of my early career jobs was in sales and my boss taught me a lot. Two stand out, listen to your customers/potential customers and don’t drink at lunch.
The best salespeople in the world are listeners.
At the present time I am in Ireland and no one, no one listens over here. Anyone younger than 30 years old is over educated and can’t understand why they can’t find a good car mechanic and when they do she charges 100 euros an hour. You go girl.
Anybody else ready to shoot Mike from My Pillow? Now he’s doing a mattress cover…maybe I’ll shoot myself before I buy one. Oh ya, I got sucked in and bought a pillow for 3 thousand dollars and did not get a second one free. I want my second pillow.
You ask…am I sleeping better?
Fuck no…all I can think about is Tommy John underwear. Did these guys replace the untuckit shirt people? Untuckit shirts must have advertised on every sports show on TV…don’t see them anymore…now Tommy John underwear is everywhere. Well not on me yet.
I haven’t looked into who the founder of Tommy J underwear is yet. I wonder if it is “the” Tommy John, if it is, he would be one of the few that could do what this ass hole does in GMC’s truck commercial. Come on Madison avenue this is so stupid.
A man surprises his wife with a special gift for the holidays. He leads her out into their driveway where two …
The Christmas TV car commercial season is here as is my annual praise and bitch session on commercials in general. Do yourself a favor and at least watch the last two.
Of course with that comes lots of spots where one spouse surprises the other with a brand new BMW, Mercedes, Cadillac, Range Rover or whatever costs more than $80,000, with a big red bow on top. And guess what? I HATE THOSE COMMERCIALS! Come on…do you know anyone that would do this.
I think I’ll put a red ribbon around my car to cover up the dents… a Christmas gift to me…and maybe some thing else…
Mercedes made up for their red ribbon spot with this
Then again..was an apology necessary for this ad…I don’t think so but they, Mercedes, did.
Discuss politics…I don’t think so. We can’t discuss, we immediately steer the conversation and/or the social media comment to a specific conclusion and then it’s my way or the highway.
Forget what I just said it’s a lot worse than that and it is affecting our interaction and relationships with family and friends.
How sad…unfortunately, everyone seems reluctant to change. Please note I said reluctant not won’t. Where do we go from here? If you are a regular reader of this blog, thank you, or if you simply kissed it off because of a comment I made, I am sorry I lost you.
I’m lookin for solutions.
I’m lookin for help to…not sure…maybe it’s to ride a small wave till the current grows to a level strong enough wash away the hostilities that we seem to thrive on.
I’m lookin for help…what say you?
Cash, check and credit cards accepted. Make checks out to Daniel N. Carney.
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August 12 was world elephant day and I celebrated by watching a couple of shows on the National Geographic channel. One episode was devoted to their communication skills and another to their memory.
OK…hang in there with me you might enjoy this.
dan carney painting
FACTS ABOUT ELEPHANT COMMUNICATION
Elephant skin is over an inch thick. But because it’s loaded with nerve endings, their skin is also highly sensitive. Elephants from the same herd will often use touch to greet each other, either wrapping their trunks around each other or giving each other friendly “hello” taps on the body.
In addition to the familiar trumpet blast sound they’re known for, Elephants also purr much like cats do.
Research has shown that Elephants communicate over long distances using a sub-sonic rumble that can travel over the ground faster than sound through air. Other Elephants receive these messages through their feet and trunks. Scientists believe that this is how potential mates and social groups communicate with each other.
Elephants are highly sensitive and caring animals. If a baby Elephant complains, the entire family will go over to touch and caress it to soothe it.
Elephants often pay homage to the bones of their dead, gently touching their skulls and tusks with their trunks and feet. When an Elephant walks past a place where a loved one once died, it will stop in its tracks. This silent pause often lasts several minutes.
Elephants are highly intelligent animals, and studies have shown that they possess a variety of complex emotions and feelings, including deep compassion and surprising self-awareness. Like humans, elephants have large cortexes in their brains and are not born with survival skills. They have to learn these skills from older elephants in the early years of their lives.
One of the shows featured a man that has devoted his young life to helping to save elephants.He spent time at Kruger National Park in South Africa and while there he came across a young elephant that had caught a sharp tree limb in his foot. The elephant couldn’t walk and it was obvious that it had not eaten for a while.
The man carefully approached the elephant and started to pet his trunk and leg. When he felt the animal was comfortable with him he attempted to free him of the stick in his foot. It took him several hours and finally got it out. The elephant immediately stood up and lifted his trunk and gently tapped him on the head and slowly walked away.
Years later he was visiting the Nairobi elephant sanctuary and noticed an elephant enclosed by a high fence. As he got closer to the fence the elephant raised his trunk and started to stamp his feet at the base of the enclosure. The elephant was in tears and suddenly the man recognized the elephant from years ago. He started to climb the high fence and when he got to the top the elephant lifted his trunk to help him. The elephant gently wrapped his trunk around the man and…
… and smashed him against the fence and stomped him to death.