Easter Sunday and the cannabis farmer

After four months in Ireland, my old BMW started right up upon returning to Milton.  Unfortunately every light on the dash board was lit up but it didn’t stop me from driving it.

I was invited to join my sister and and brother in law for Easter dinner  at a restaurant in Westport and thought it might be a good idea to have the car serviced before I went.

Drove it home and all was good to go.

Easter Sunday came and off I go and as I got to the Braintree split all the lights came on and I lost power.  The traffic was heavy and cars around me were not pleased with my car’s performance.

After an extended wait, AAA came and towed my car to the shop that just worked on it.  Once the car was dropped off I asked the driver to drop me off at a restaurant/bar in East Milton.

The restaurant was packed with well dressed families out for Easter dinner but no one was sitting at the bar.  After several beverages a guy comes in and sits next to me.  To say he was not dressed for Easter dinner would be kind.  I said hello and we started talking.  He had just left a restaurant on the next block because the bar tender was ignoring him and he suspected it was because of the way he was dressed.  A certain homeless look, you might say.

I asked him if he was new to the area and he said he was in Massachusetts for business and was renting a house in Stoughton.  He was commuting weekly from Northern California and every other week to Columbia.

And what business are you in I asked.  “Cannabis…I own a 24 acre farm in Northern California and came to Massachusetts to establish a base.”

Would you happen to have any with you now, I continued.  He then opened his jacket vest and he must have had 20 containers in individual pockets.  He picked one out and gave it to me and I said how much do I owe you.  Nothing… and we continued to drink.  

He came around to ask me what I did and I explained that I no longer worked and that most of my career was in the television business.  I added that I paint and attempt to play the fiddle on occasion .

The fiddle is 236 years old…check out my blog about it.

He  asked if I had any pictures of my paintings and I showed him what I had recently painted.  He pulled out a roll of cash and said he liked two and that he would give me $500.00 to hold them for him.  I said no, he should see them in person before he bought them. 

 

 

We continued to drink.

He gave me his cell phone number on a card and asked me to call him so that he could pick up and pay for the paintings.

We continued to drink.

I finally left him at the bar and stumbled home.  I was not used to walking that distance in cowboy boots.

The next morning got up and immediately looked for the card.  I must have ripped the house apart.  

No card, no money…no grass.

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Rocky, Rake and Gideon’s Bible

Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
Only to find Gideon’s Bible
Rocky had come, equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival
His rival it seems, had broken his dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy
Her name was Magill, and she called herself Lil
But everyone knew her as Nancy
Now she and her man, who called himself Dan
Were in the next room at the hoe down
Rocky burst in, and grinning a grin
He said, “Danny boy, this is a showdown”
But Daniel was hot, he drew first and shot
And Rocky collapsed in the corner

The second night back from Ireland at around 2am I heard noises from the attic and initially thought it was mice.  The noise got much louder and I thought…could be rats.  The noise got louder and louder and I finally decided to investigate.  I opened the attic door and focused my flashlight toward the noise.

Rocky Raccoon was now my tenant.  I must say Rocky was well fed and was the biggest raccoon I have ever seen..  He looked at me and said I’m out on the town for awhile and I’ll be back so keep the doors open.

Rocky returned the next night and next and sleep was nowhere to be found.  The battle was on.

Fortified the vents, kept the attic lights on with radio blasting. I opened the attic door just to see Rocky leaving for another night out… he turned toward me and smiled.

The next night it was pouring rain, it was 3am and I heard him trying to get in.  I jumped out of bed ran outside in the rain and yelled, made noise and flashed lights on him.  He came down and sat on the gutter and looked at me saying Hey dude it’s raining out and I want to stay dry.

I immediately went to the attic and made a barrier that Godzilla couldn’t get through.

Opened the back door to look up and there was Rocky sitting on my grill on the back deck.  I picked up a heavy log and threw it at him. Missed and dented the cover of my grill.

Please let me revisit my bat story.

Home alone and Mary had hired a woman to clean the house every other week.  I came home after a few beverages and ended up in bed. Sometime in the early morning hours I was awakened by a noise sounding like a toy jet flying around the room.  I put my glasses on and a bat was heading right for me.

I jumped out of bed and room and closed the door.  Went into the garage to get a rake and then returned to the bedroom.  No more bat.

The next morning I went to work and left the rake on the bed.

Just so happened the cleaning lady showed up the next day.

My wife returned weeks later and asked her if things went well.  She said fine but she couldn’t understand why I slept with a rake.

It was only starting to get strange when I started to take Rake drinking with me.

He said, “Rocky, you met your match”
And Rocky said, “Doc, it’s only a scratch
And I’ll be better, I’ll be better, Doc, as soon as I am able”

Now Rocky Raccoon, he fell back in his room
Only to find Gideon’s Bible
Gideon checked out, and he left it, no doubt
To help with good Rocky’s revival

Will Rocky return tonight or has he met his match.

Rocky Raccoon by the Beatles

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Irish luck

Winning the euro lottery …BIG!!! Thank you very much…

…but before I get to that I must tell you of my interrogation at the Irish immigration office…

…so Mr. Carney your passport indicates that you stay in country longer than you are allowed.  How long have you been doing this and hasn’t anyone ever questioned you about this?

…well I believe it would be about 8 years and no one has ever questioned me about it (I did not tell them of the time when upon arriving in country they were going to send me back on the next plane)

…do you have a job here? Yes I do…and what would that be?  Getting up in the morning…wise arse…no sense of humor…

…reminded me of my Marine Corps potato chip story.  I was assigned to the Joint Planning Group Headquarters Marine Corps.  Before I started I had to meet with a Navy Psychiatrist.  He asked a lot of questions and then asked me if there was anything strange about me.  I thought for a while then said.  My head sweats when I eat potato chips.  He called for a Navy corpsman to go out and get a bag of chips.  He gave then to me, I opened the bag and started eating…sure enough I started to sweat…he then asked if he could have one and I said no you bought them for me …wise arse he said

…oh ya back to the lottery…it will soon be public knowledge so I might as well tell you all that I hit the euro lottery big.  I placed my bet yesterday morning and by 11pm was notified that I won.

…a date to remember for sure…

April 1, 2019, 1 April 2019 or

 

 

 

April fools day…hope you had a great one

The potato chip and immigration stories are true.

Posted in Ireland, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

the answer is b.

 

 

 

Not a good time to tempt the law or regulations.  That bank job is going to have to wait.

Apparently I should have gotten an Irish driver’s license some time ago… and… I’m only allowed to stay in country for three months…clearly stated on my passport.  If you’re a regular reader of this blog you might remember when the authorities were going to put me on the next plane back to Boston just after I landed in Dublin.

…a bit of a problem

Gee I have always done things by the book … except that time when … and perhaps when I … oh let’s not get into those minor details.

Today I took  a “theory” test for rules of the road.  Questions like … all multiple choice answers… What do you do if you kill a sheep in the road?   a. hide the carcass in the bushes  b. put it in the truck and sell it to your butcher c. tell the sheep farmer the sheep attacked you  d. report it to the local priest.  Had to guess on that one.  And then… the gauge for petrol is on E and the car stops running what might be the problem? a. the seat belts are not fastened b. the left front tire is flat c. the hitchhiker you picked up is drinking out of a hose attached to the side of your car d. Donald Trump… this one was hard.  What is the penalty for accidentally smelling a pint of Guinness and driving after? (believe me it is that bad over here re: drinking and driving)  a.  an all expense paid trip to Fall River Massachusetts b.  4-6 years at Mount Joy Prison  c. an overnight with the local priest  d. watching a 3 day cricket match

As you can see it was not an easy test…I had to have numerous smells of Guinness before I was back to normal.  Oh ya I passed.

Should be all set to go … not so fast …now I have to take 12 fucking driving lessons at 450 euros and then pass the actual driving test.

As for staying in country for longer than 3 months, I would have to become an Irish citizen or continue to violate the law.  Right now … in violation.  My new friends from Chicago that live in the village have done both… got their Irish driver’s license and became dual citizens.

Back to the test.  A few questions about eco-driving.  What the fuck is eco-driving  you ask.  Well one of the questions was … What would not contribute to eco-driving? a. driving a well maintained vehicle b. driving safely c. taking public transportation d. impeaching Donald Trump

I recently asked a relative by marriage what was the main reason they hated Trump so much.  His answer …climate control. 

As always I refer to the late great George Carlin, one of the most liberal comics of all time, re: endangered species and climate control.

George Carlin – Saving the Planet

I’ll keep you posted on my progress … Mount Joy Prison looks like a comfortable place to visit for a while.

By the by Mount Joy Prison might sound familiar to regular readers.  I have written about a certain IRA escape from there in A day to confess

Posted on June 4, 2018 by Daniel Carney

Have a Happy St. Patrick’s Day and don’t smell too much and the red L has to go on your car…back and front. 

A is for adulteress L is for learning to be one.

Posted in Government, Ireland, Stories, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

painting yellow submarines

I like to fish, surf casting, in the summer.  When doing so all the mindless things floating around my little brain disappear and I am at peace with  myself.

For the last few years I have been painting, doing found object/driftwood art and trying to learn five, that’s all, five songs on my 236 year old fiddle.

As with fishing, I am at peace and forget about the petty things that somehow bother me. Don’t understand why I should be bothered by anything, but … just five fucking songs.

On the art side, I was fortunate to have a private showing at ArtBank in Bunclody, Ireland and had an exhibit with my sister in Milton, Massachusetts.  A documentary on me, by Dick Dona, actor, film producer, artist and his wife artist Marja Van Kampen,  was  also submitted to the Wexford Film Festival.  I don’t believe it won.

 

 

As with the fiddle, I have taken  lessons from two great musicians and teachers, Aidan Maher and Jeff Angeley.  Recently a close friend of my son in law, an accomplished violin master, suggested to me “just five songs, Dan cuz you’re never going to make it to Symphony Hall” 

Little does he know there’s a bar called Symphony Hall.

My sister Carol Veiga and brother Bob both went to a fine art school.  I remember Bob putting some interesting price tags on some of his work and would say “people think it must be good if it costs this much”.  I kind of followed his lead until I met a woman that does magical things with old windows.  She invited me to display my stuff at a show on the Boston water front.  She is married to a former Boston Bruin hockey player and he looked at my driftwood and found object art and said he liked it, then asked “if you cut your price would that change your life style?”  “you probably would sell more and get the satisfaction that someone likes your work”  He was right…and so was my brother.

I never made a living out of art…my sister and brother did.  I’m just having some fun while getting lost…

A Carol Veiga painting…and Bob Carney drawing done when he was nineteen.  You might see the difference between fun and talent.


I’ll get back to some painting now because sadly my constant companion and buddy was killed on the road up front.  He was abandoned two years ago and found us and never left.  RIP Jake…

Posted in Art, Family, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

listening

 

Does anyone listen anymore?

John Cage did and his 4’33” commands you to listen.  Most people will dismiss this creative presentation as a joke.

Did high school, college teach you to listen?  Life teaches you to listen, your j0b teaches to listen.  One of my early career jobs was in sales and my boss taught me a lot.  Two stand out, listen to your customers/potential customers and don’t drink at lunch.

The best salespeople in the world are listeners.

At the present time I am in Ireland and no one, no one listens over here.  Anyone younger than  30 years old is over educated and can’t understand why they can’t find a good car mechanic and when they do she charges 100 euros an hour.  You go girl.

I lost John Cage.

Check 4’3″ out … think about it … listen …

listen to life… listen to John Cage …

https://www.classicfm.com/composers/cage/news/john-cage/

John Cage’s 4’33” – YouTube

 

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tommy john untucks victoria’s secret

 

Anybody else ready to shoot Mike from My Pillow?  Now he’s doing a mattress cover…maybe I’ll shoot myself before I buy one.  Oh ya, I got sucked in and bought a pillow for 3 thousand dollars and did not get a second one free.  I want my second pillow.

You ask…am I sleeping better?

Fuck no…all I can think about is Tommy John underwear.  Did these guys replace the untuckit shirt people?  Untuckit shirts must have advertised on every sports show on TV…don’t see them anymore…now  Tommy John underwear is everywhere. Well not on me yet.

 

I haven’t looked into who the founder of Tommy J underwear is yet.  I wonder if it is “the” Tommy John, if it is, he would be one of the few that could do what this ass hole does in  GMC’s truck commercial.  Come on Madison avenue this is so stupid.

 

https://www.ispot.tv/ad/d09Z/gmc-black-friday-event-one-for-you-one-for-me-t2
Nov 20, 2018

A man surprises his wife with a special gift for the holidays. He leads her out into their driveway where two …

 

The Christmas TV car commercial season is here as is my annual praise and bitch session on commercials in general.  Do yourself a favor and at least watch the last two.

Of course with that comes lots of spots where one spouse surprises the other with a brand new BMW, Mercedes, Cadillac, Range Rover or whatever costs more than $80,000, with a big red bow on top.  And guess what?  I HATE THOSE COMMERCIALS!  Come on…do you know anyone that would do this.

I think I’ll put a red ribbon around my car to cover up the dents… a Christmas gift to me…and maybe some thing else…

Mercedes made up for their red ribbon spot with this

Then again..was an apology necessary for this ad…I don’t think so but they, Mercedes, did.

www.businessinsider.co.za/mercedes-benz-sa-apologizes-for-offending-customers-with-mothers-day-ad-which-featured-only-a-white-woman-2018-5

Have ta show this Guinness commercial

…and this one brings a tear to your eyes…

…not Christmas but Guinness again

Can’t imagine the above being shown in the states…not PC I guess.

If you liked Monty Python you’ll like this Guinness spot…

Round up your mates for a GUINNESS on St Patrick’s Day – YouTube 

 
Feb 29, 2012 – Uploaded by GuinnessGB

To help friends get together, GUINNESS® has trained a highly specialisedsheepd

 

I love the Bud Light series of commercials

https://www.nbcsports.com/video/super-bowl-bud-light-dilly-dilly-part-i

 

My favorite candy bar is Snickers and this commercial is brilliant.

Snickers again

Always got a big kick out of the e-trade commercials…come on you liked them too…

ETRADE Top 5 Baby Commercials

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Lookin for some help…

 

Have we all “lost it?”

Discuss politics…I don’t think so.  We can’t discuss, we immediately steer the conversation and/or the social media comment to a specific conclusion and then it’s my way or the highway.

Forget what I just said it’s a lot worse than that and it is affecting our interaction and relationships with family and friends.

How sad…unfortunately, everyone seems reluctant to change.  Please note I said reluctant not won’t.  Where do we go from here?  If you are a regular reader of this blog, thank you, or if you simply kissed it off because of a comment I made, I am sorry I lost you.

So…

I’m lookin for solutions.

I’m lookin for help to…not sure…maybe it’s to ride a small wave till the current grows to a level strong enough wash away the hostilities that we seem to thrive on.

I’m lookin for help…what say you?

Cash, check and credit cards accepted.  Make checks out to Daniel N. Carney.

Thank you!

or you could consider helping those that were in the paths of recent hurricanes.

Direct relief…

https://www.directrelief.org/

Direct Relief has earned a perfect score of 100 under Charity Navigator’s new rating system, CN 2.1.

Only 51 of the more than 8,000 charities rated annually by Charity Navigator received an overall score of 100.

As America’s largest and most widely used independent evaluator of charities, Charity Navigator works to guide donors toward more intelligent giving. 

The ninth-largest U.S. charity, according to Forbes Magazine, Direct Relief conducts the most expansive charitable medicines program in the United States and is among the largest private providers globally of humanitarian medical material aid to people in need due to poverty or emergency situations.

To be named to the Perfect 100 list, Direct Relief achieved perfect scores in Charity Navigator’s two main ratings categories, Financial Health and Accountability & Transparency.

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in America, Government, Hurricanes, Politics, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Elephants…smelephants…they all look alike

August 12 was world elephant day and I celebrated by watching a couple of shows on the National Geographic channel.  One episode was devoted to their communication skills and another to their memory.

OK…hang in there with me you might enjoy this.

dan carney painting

 

 

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A September visit by the little girl with the pink glasses.

Try to remember the kind of September

When life was slow and oh, so mellow.

Try to remember the kind of September

When grass was green and grain was yellow.

Try to remember the kind of September

When you were a tender and callow fellow.

Try to remember, and if you remember,

Then follow.

Try to remember when life was so tender

That no one wept except the willow.

Try to remember when life was so tender

That dreams were kept beside your pillow.

Try to remember when life was so tender

That love was an ember about to billow.

Try to remember, and if you remember,

Then follow.

Deep in December, it’s nice to remember,

Although you know the snow will follow.

Deep in December, it’s nice to remember,

Without a hurt the heart is hollow.

Deep in December, it’s nice to remember,

The fire of September that made us mellow.

Deep in December, our hearts should remember

And follow.

                                                                                           Tom Jones

...and follow the little girl in pink glasses

Her name is Mae.  She was born in Dublin, Ireland and lives there with her mother, father, Maria and Jake.

Her limited vocabulary is in Spanish (thanks to Maria) and English and I do believe Jake now barks in Spanish.  She is 18 months young and lights up a room or beach with her smile and her love.

 

 

She is my sunrise…and perhaps you might agree

that the little girl in the pink glasses

 is just like me

up with the sunrise

to make castles and run free

on an empty sandy beach

save a seagull out of reach

as buzzards bay

beckons

my little granddaughter

wearing pink glasses

and me

 

 


 

Posted in America, Family, Ireland, the beach, Uncategorized | Leave a comment