Shoot who?

elmer-fudd

“Catch-22” is one of my all time favorite books.  It is is a satirical World War II novel by American author Joseph Heller and I  have read it 3 or 4 times.

There are a lot of great characters in it and for those that use the phrase  “catch 22” and don’t know what it means, Heller might help with this explanation …  there was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one’s safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn’t, but if he were sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn’t have to; but if he didn’t want to he was sane and had to.  Get it … if not read the book.  One of my favorite lines is from General Dreedle … “just take him outside and shoot him”

It is that time of the year when I want to take them (the people responsible for “holiday” advertisements”) outside and shoot them.

Can’t even to begin to list these commercials … they’re endless, one worse than the next.

but…

I know you have seen this one … the commercial with a politically correct couple in full “holiday” morning dress, their two young kids dressed impeccably and, of course, a dog with a red ribbon around its neck.  The man, I assume, the husband/father gets up and puts a blindfold around his wife…. no no … I’m not going into the fifty shades of gray bull shit (haven’t read it) …. leading her outside to the driveway and  sitting in the drive is a

… new Mercedes with a big red ribbon around it…fuck off…who the fuck are they trying to impress?

I don’t know anyone that has ever done anything like this, perhaps you do and then, obviously, you run in a circle way beyond mine.

Though he is no friend, I can actually picture Roger Goodell doing this with deflated tires and telling his wife that the car performs better this way.   Oh ya he is also on the “take him outside” list.

I also want to take anyone that says “at the end of the day” outside and shoot them but what I do instead is ask “do you mean 11:59PM or do you mean at the end of the business day “4:59PM” or are you just a fucking moron?

STOP IT … IT SOUNDS STUPID!

So does “literally’  ” elephant in the room”  no fucking shit …. how the fuck did it get in …. ya literally.  Oh I left the door open…my bad, well just take the asshole outside and shoot him…ya literally, and while you’re at it, the fucking elephant too….and if you say “my bad” one more time the elephant will shit on you before I shoot it.

Yes of course I know I’m an asshole…that’s my job now.

asshole

There are some commercials I am looking forward to and those would be the Guinness Beer Christmas  and Budweiser spots…sounds like a trend here…a friend of mine once told me that he had to take a “class” after he was caught drinking and driving and said that everyone in the class would talk about where and what they were going to have to drink when they got out of the class.  This same friend goes on “At this stage of my life, why the fuck should I waste my time with assholes and people I don’t like.”  Can’t argue with that so I’m on board.  Literally.

Do you think there will be more commercials that actually say “Merry Christmas”  now that people are fed up with all this PC shit.   I’m leaning to, if someone says, happy holidays and then you say what holiday would that be?  Maybe they would be forced to say “Christmas” or more likely… fuck off you asshole.

Speaking of jobs, I have another one in addition to the above “asshole” position.

I’ll be sneaking away soon to assume a new part time job forecasting the weather in Ireland.  I think I’ve got this down pat….It will go something like this, today is slightly drizzly and very fucking overcast. Only ten fucking minutes ago it was fucking sunny.  I suppose in another ten fucking minutes it’ll be fucking torrential monsoon type fucking rain.  Followed shortly thereafter by fucking Hurricane fucking Biddy and a fucking asteroid shower. and now for some pictures of people that are celebrating their birthdays and are over 100 years old and have suffered through all this shit for a fucking long time…Happy Birthday and Happy  Christmas.  Over to Nigel for the latest in sports…Hey Nigel that nil – nil soccer or football game or whatever you fucking  call it was real exciting…for sure, I can’t wait for that 3 day cricket match coming up, I think I’ll bring a gun.

If you’re not aware by now the Irish have a very colorful vocabulary and several words are used quite frequently.   I’m picking up a few key ones along the way.

…and if I”m not back at you before Christmas.  Have a Happy, Safe and loving Christmas.

This was my 199th blog post, I invite you all to send your musings and the best will become the 200th. 

living-artists-paints

Looking for some great Christmas gifts then go directly to the artist:

http://www.pegasusartisans.com  Don Hoaglund

www.facebook.com/carol.veiga.39   Carol Veiga

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JN7k30onYz0iton  Jimmi Sherrington

www.facebook.com/ken.carson3?fref=pb&hc_location=friends_tab&pnref=friends.all

Ken Carson

www.driftwoodartdesigns.com   dan carney

and all the risk takers at

http://www.artbank.bunclody.eu/

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