Rocky, Rake and Gideon’s Bible

Rocky Raccoon checked into his room
Only to find Gideon’s Bible
Rocky had come, equipped with a gun
To shoot off the legs of his rival
His rival it seems, had broken his dreams
By stealing the girl of his fancy
Her name was Magill, and she called herself Lil
But everyone knew her as Nancy
Now she and her man, who called himself Dan
Were in the next room at the hoe down
Rocky burst in, and grinning a grin
He said, “Danny boy, this is a showdown”
But Daniel was hot, he drew first and shot
And Rocky collapsed in the corner

The second night back from Ireland at around 2am I heard noises from the attic and initially thought it was mice.  The noise got much louder and I thought…could be rats.  The noise got louder and louder and I finally decided to investigate.  I opened the attic door and focused my flashlight toward the noise.

Rocky Raccoon was now my tenant.  I must say Rocky was well fed and was the biggest raccoon I have ever seen..  He looked at me and said I’m out on the town for awhile and I’ll be back so keep the doors open.

Rocky returned the next night and next and sleep was nowhere to be found.  The battle was on.

Fortified the vents, kept the attic lights on with radio blasting. I opened the attic door just to see Rocky leaving for another night out… he turned toward me and smiled.

The next night it was pouring rain, it was 3am and I heard him trying to get in.  I jumped out of bed ran outside in the rain and yelled, made noise and flashed lights on him.  He came down and sat on the gutter and looked at me saying Hey dude it’s raining out and I want to stay dry.

I immediately went to the attic and made a barrier that Godzilla couldn’t get through.

Opened the back door to look up and there was Rocky sitting on my grill on the back deck.  I picked up a heavy log and threw it at him. Missed and dented the cover of my grill.

Please let me revisit my bat story.

Home alone and Mary had hired a woman to clean the house every other week.  I came home after a few beverages and ended up in bed. Sometime in the early morning hours I was awakened by a noise sounding like a toy jet flying around the room.  I put my glasses on and a bat was heading right for me.

I jumped out of bed and room and closed the door.  Went into the garage to get a rake and then returned to the bedroom.  No more bat.

The next morning I went to work and left the rake on the bed.

Just so happened the cleaning lady showed up the next day.

My wife returned weeks later and asked her if things went well.  She said fine but she couldn’t understand why I slept with a rake.

It was only starting to get strange when I started to take Rake drinking with me.

He said, “Rocky, you met your match”
And Rocky said, “Doc, it’s only a scratch
And I’ll be better, I’ll be better, Doc, as soon as I am able”

Now Rocky Raccoon, he fell back in his room
Only to find Gideon’s Bible
Gideon checked out, and he left it, no doubt
To help with good Rocky’s revival

Will Rocky return tonight or has he met his match.

Rocky Raccoon by the Beatles

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