And you wonder why my vocabulary turns to fucking shit when I return to the states.
The two words most used here are brilliant and fucking. Used together and it describes the highest level of excellence…fucking brilliant (or when I want to clean it up a bit FB)
The video that follows is fucking hilarious. The broadcast was recent.
A honest to goodness letter to an Irish Magazine follows. I have included this letter into a few stories but after this video I had to include it again.
Here comes the summer
I am writing to complain abou the weather. No wonder we Irish are all half fucking mad. The fucking weather keeps on fucking changing all the fucking time.
As I write, it”s slightly fucking drizzly and very fucking overcast. Only ten fucking minutes ago it was fuckung sunny! I suppose in another ten fucking minutes it’ll be fucking torrential fucking monsoon type fucking rain.
Followed shortly thereafter by fucking Hurricane Biddy (or fucking something) and a fucking asteroid shower!! For fuck’s sake, fuck this truly fucking Gawdawful bastardin shit!!
In conclusion WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!!!!!
I am a comin fucking home soon and the snow better be gone and this April shower shit on hold and fucking hurricane Biddy is years away.
…and you ask….how was your stay in Ireland? It was fucking brilliant. The weather broadcast …. I believe it was on the 1st of April.
Gotta cut back on the “F” word Mae Carney O’Sullivan will soon be dancing in the rain.
Could be trouble ahead…the EU has gotten involved in the added ingredients in tea. Is there another Boston tea party brewing?
Ya gotta remember I’m as mad as the “Hatter” and I’m in Ireland.
Brexit is big news over here…but I’m not going heavy into politics on you, I’ll keep it simple.
Before the election last year, I read an article about a British butcher who had enough of the European Union officials in Brussels telling him how to stuff his sausages. I might add, I bet there were a lot of other British men thinking about someone else in the EU telling them where and when to stuff their sausages. Well just as I predicted, Brexit passed
My brother in law owns land that he leases out to local farmers. He is required by the government to plant or instruct whoever leases the land what should be planted on a year to year basis. He is audited by officials of the Irish government/EU quite often. He has one coming up next week and it requires him to submit information on the last time a fox took a shit on his land. Maybe it was a deer not too sure on this.
…anyhow he is one to frequent pubs where no one can find him and he tells me about one of his visits to a pub that the owner has a small grocery shop attached to it.
You could find funeral homes, turf accountants and all kinds of non related pub stuff attached to pubs over here. Like one of my favorites, soon to be visited during the Cheltenham races…Redmond’s pub and bookie shop. Ya might say a dangerous combination.
To continue, He told Tom about a government/EU audit he recently had. He showed up unannounced and the pub owner asked what this might be about and the f**ker said “eggs”. He takes him into the shop and shows him the six eggs that he had in stock. For the next 2/1/2 hours he documents when, where and how many times Helen (his hen) was f**ked and what she is fed and how many shits she takes a day.
OK the parts about the fox, deer and Helen I made up but 2 1/2 hours documenting the history of six fucking eggs!
Brow Cottage is at the bottom of one of Tom’s fields and as the years go by, winning the lot in a game of poker gains credibility. Soon the land will be fertilized and the smell will be overwhelming, just like the government getting involved into your business or even worse your personal life.
The British butcher had enough, the unemployed coal miners in West Virginia had enough and all the Mad Hatters of the world have had enough.
…and still people wonder how Brexit and Trump happened.
God save the Queen and God Bless America…and if I may introduce you to Mae Carney O’Sullivan … my one and only grandchild.
While all Patriots fans (save me) were WATCHING the Steelers get pounded into the hard frozen field at Gillette, I was trying to listen to an audio stream that quit before the end of the half.
….BECAUSE Brow Cottage is in the Black Hole of Clonegal, no broadband, few TV selections, with an unlimited number of BBC channels that show The Big Bang Theory non stop.
So guess what, I have found a new sport to WATCH, I don’t need American football, the Pats or Tom Brady anymore, I now have … the sport of Bowls. Ya we’re talkin Bowls not just a Bowl like in Super…
Just read this and I know you will feel the same.
The aim of the game is simple. Get your bowls as close as possible to a small white ball called the ‘jack’.
It might sound easy, but the fact that the bowls do not travel in a straight line seriously adds to the tactical challenge.
Bowls can be played indoors or outdoors, and the rules are the same, with top stars from both formats coming together to play lawn bowls at the Commonwealth Games.
Are you still with me on this?
Scoring systems vary from competition to competition. Games can be decided when:
a player in a singles game reaches a specified target number of shots (usually 21 or 25).
I should insert a picture (my favorite) of Mrs. Brady…
a team (pair, triple or four) has the higher score after a specified number of ends.Games to a specified number of ends may also be drawn. The draw may stand, or the opponents may be required to play an extra end to decide the winner. These provisions are always published beforehand in the event’s Conditions of Play.
Doesn’t this excite you to no end and just wait till I explain Cricket to you.
In the Laws of the Sport of Bowls] the winner in a singles game is the first player to score 21 shots. In all other disciplines (pairs, triples, fours) the winner is the team who has scored the most shots after 21/25 ends of play. Often local tournaments will play shorter games (often 10 or 12 ends). Some competitions use a “set” scoring system, with the first to seven points awarded a set in a best-or-three or best-of-five set match. As well as singles competition, there can be two (pairs), three (triples) and four-player (fours) teams. In these, teams bowl alternately, with each
Is this great or what!
player within a team bowling all their bowls, then handing over to the next player. The team captain or “skip” always plays last and is instrumental in directing his team’s shots and tactics. The current method of scoring in the professional tour (World Bowls Tour) is sets. Each set consists of nine ends and the player with the most shots at the end of a set wins the set. If the score is tied the set is halved. If a player wins two sets, or gets a win and a tie, that player wins the game. If each player wins a set, or both sets end tied, there is a 3-end tiebreaker to determine a winner.
Please, Please, Please BBC televise the Super Bowl or I will …
I am honored to have a man that is a great… person, husband, father, grand father, teacher, coach (Hall of Fame), story teller and a “fb” friend as the guest writer of my 200th blog posting.
I sincerely thank him for being a “risk taker” and my friend.
Personal Museums – Mark Southworth
Collections provoke curiosity and people enjoy examining and letting their imagination create the story. We stroll through exhibits and so many questions intrude our minds. People display their own treasures to the fascination of friends. Over the years, here are some of my favorites:
Hilda’s paper weights
Lance’s display of ticket stubs
Duff’s stamps, coins and sports memorabilia ( including an autographed Yaz shirt)
George Thiberge’s Lupo’s bartending vest covered with political campaign buttons
DC and JA and their hats
Charlie and his magnificent oyster plates
Some come without great expense, and some cost a lot in money or time and effort. Regardless, they are priceless and bring many hours of happiness and pride and may even offer a glimpse into one’s persona.
My personal museum is on display in “ the cave”. Roaming beaches for hours searching for tiny fragments glittering in the sand. When I discover one, I reach down and pick it up marveling at it’s uniqueness, and wonder about the circumstances that brought this frosted piece of glass to this shore. Had it been washing up on the shore for twenty years or maybe fifty tears. From a fine bottle of wine carelessly discarded during a sunset sail, of a beer bottle accidentally dropped overboard during a fishing excursion. When I have finished cleaning all the sand off it, I place it in my pocket. When home, I spread my day’s haul out and admire the contrasting colors and shapes.
My personal museum provides endless opportunities to dream a story. I enjoy this and hope that those strolling through will also.
Please allow me to add some comments. Mark has many friends and a great family. I once asked him how he keeps so many friends…he answered “I really have to work at it”. Any of his friends reading this will agree and I can only hope they prompt him to write more … as for me …it would be the tuxedo and Bunny bread, opening day at Schaffer Stadium (before Gillette), “ya better pull your friend out of the water, he’s drowning”, Tasmania or bust,” I sleep with the boss”, salads and wine…it goes on and on and I truly recognize and admire him for “livin life large”.
Once again, Mark, thanks for being you….and for inviting ALL your friends to “stroll” through your museum. I am out of country now, so friends of Mark (FOM) please keep me posted when you all will be making the stroll…Irish Whiskey for me and for all the others… Mark…you know by now…see ya at the cave…straight up for me and please no more than seven, OK, maybe eight and a few cool ones to wash them down. I’m trying to cut back a bit.
Happy New Year to you all…with best wishes and good health.
Our across the street neighbors visited us last night. They have two children, an eight year old red headed girl and a four year old boy. The four year old first words, when he was about two, were “Dan”…then it became “Hi Dan”…now it’s “what are you doing, where are you going, I have a hockey game today”, and last night was pure confusion and innocence.
We were all sitting in the kitchen and he signals to Mary for her to come in the living room and he points to the fireplace and say “Mary, with all those books in the fireplace how is Santa going to get in the house?”
Mary told him we were going to be in another house for Christmas and that house had a fireplace that did not have books in it and that we were going to leave a note for Santa to come to that house instead. “Maybe you should take those books out just in case he wants to come here”, he continued.
Mary went on about Santa coming to the other house last year but looking at the confused expression on his face, he still wasn’t convinced that Santa would be visiting us at all.
His innocence and questions made my night and when they left I felt like taking all the books out of the fireplace.
Happy Christmas… and make sure your fireplace is Santa friendly.
I am not counting this as my 200th blog posting…so I’m still waiting for your submission.
“Catch-22” is one of my all time favorite books. It is is a satirical World War II novel by American author Joseph Heller and I have read it 3 or 4 times.
There are a lot of great characters in it and for those that use the phrase “catch 22” and don’t know what it means, Heller might help with this explanation … there was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one’s safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn’t, but if he were sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn’t have to; but if he didn’t want to he was sane and had to. Get it … if not read the book. One of my favorite lines is from General Dreedle … “just take him outside and shoot him”
It is that time of the year when I want to take them (the people responsible for “holiday” advertisements”) outside and shoot them.
Can’t even to begin to list these commercials … they’re endless, one worse than the next.
I know you have seen this one … the commercial with a politically correct couple in full “holiday” morning dress, their two young kids dressed impeccably and, of course, a dog with a red ribbon around its neck. The man, I assume, the husband/father gets up and puts a blindfold around his wife…. no no … I’m not going into the fifty shades of gray bull shit (haven’t read it) …. leading her outside to the driveway and sitting in the drive is a
… new Mercedes with a big red ribbon around it…fuck off…who the fuck are they trying to impress?
I don’t know anyone that has ever done anything like this, perhaps you do and then, obviously, you run in a circle way beyond mine.
Though he is no friend, I can actually picture Roger Goodell doing this with deflated tires and telling his wife that the car performs better this way. Oh ya he is also on the “take him outside” list.
I also want to take anyone that says “at the end of the day” outside and shoot them but what I do instead is ask “do you mean 11:59PM or do you mean at the end of the business day “4:59PM” or are you just a fucking moron?
STOP IT … IT SOUNDS STUPID!
So does “literally’ ” elephant in the room” no fucking shit …. how the fuck did it get in …. ya literally. Oh I left the door open…my bad, well just take the asshole outside and shoot him…ya literally, and while you’re at it, the fucking elephant too….and if you say “my bad” one more time the elephant will shit on you before I shoot it.
Yes of course I know I’m an asshole…that’s my job now.
There are some commercials I am looking forward to and those would be the Guinness Beer Christmas and Budweiser spots…sounds like a trend here…a friend of mine once told me that he had to take a “class” after he was caught drinking and driving and said that everyone in the class would talk about where and what they were going to have to drink when they got out of the class. This same friend goes on “At this stage of my life, why the fuck should I waste my time with assholes and people I don’t like.” Can’t argue with that so I’m on board. Literally.
Do you think there will be more commercials that actually say “Merry Christmas” now that people are fed up with all this PC shit. I’m leaning to, if someone says, happy holidays and then you say what holiday would that be? Maybe they would be forced to say “Christmas” or more likely… fuck off you asshole.
Speaking of jobs, I have another one in addition to the above “asshole” position.
I’ll be sneaking away soon to assume a new part time job forecasting the weather in Ireland. I think I’ve got this down pat….It will go something like this, today is slightly drizzly and very fucking overcast. Only ten fucking minutes ago it was fucking sunny. I suppose in another ten fucking minutes it’ll be fucking torrential monsoon type fucking rain. Followed shortly thereafter by fucking Hurricane fucking Biddy and a fucking asteroid shower. and now for some pictures of people that are celebrating their birthdays and are over 100 years old and have suffered through all this shit for a fucking long time…Happy Birthday and Happy Christmas. Over to Nigel for the latest in sports…Hey Nigel that nil – nil soccer or football game or whatever you fucking call it was real exciting…for sure, I can’t wait for that 3 day cricket match coming up, I think I’ll bring a gun.
If you’re not aware by now the Irish have a very colorful vocabulary and several words are used quite frequently. I’m picking up a few key ones along the way.
…and if I”m not back at you before Christmas. Have a Happy, Safe and loving Christmas.
This was my 199th blog post, I invite you all to send your musings and the best will become the 200th.
Looking for some great Christmas gifts then go directly to the artist:
If you don’t know who Roger Goodell and Tom Brady are you might as well be reading Alice in Wonderland.
Do we agree that the weather (not so much for the Bills game) for football has been relatively mild and that footballs should not be affected by this type of weather. I also understand that, as in the past, all quarterbacks play with the same footballs.I also note, that since Mr. Brady has returned to the Patriots and with his handling of the same footballs that others use, he is a ‘bit’ more efficient and as a result, the team is doing quite well.
Can I hear an amen?
…and should we expect that Mr. Goodell to make a trip down or as Mainers say, up I 95 to the Shaver Dome on Route 1 any time soon?
One would hope that Commissioner Goodell is enjoying his new home and neighbors in Maine….and oh ya his $34,000.000.00 a year salary.
Speaking of Maine…and Moosehead Lake. I wasn’t speaking of Moosehead Lake and other things, but I will anyway.
You may not be aware that Maine beavers have formed a tree dam building league and the Captain of the Moosehead Lake Flat Tails has been suspended for 5 dam building matches for, as the league Commissioner outlined in his statement, ‘floating’ in ‘soft’ logs.
…I say make a beaver hat out of this buck teeth cheater.
The owner of the Moosehead Tails has ‘rolled’ over and will forfeit hard wood and lots of branches.The Commissioner has also suspended a tail back of the Portland Beavers for 1 match, let me repeat that for 1 match, ‘for’ excessive and abusive action on a female beaver. I can imagine that there was a lot of locker room talk about that one.
…buy the rascal a beer.
The Commissioner from both leagues seem to have cozy relationships with the owners in their respective leagues. $34,000,000.00 for one and all the twigs of aspen they can eat (favorite food) for life and a suite at the Moosehead Dam Ritz for the other, not bad deals.
Aside from all this BS…I must confess I have a special place in my heart for Moosehead Lake, my father used to bring us up there when we were kids. He, as a young man, was a logger and as he explained it, if you fell off a log you never came back up.
Never came back up. What a way to make a buck.
My Dad attended the Clay (before he was Ali) Liston fight in Lewiston Maine but missed it, he was at the bar buying a beer.
I watched a documentary on Joe Willy recently. I know, he wasn’t from Maine but one of his girl friends must have been. It was great anddid youknow he signed with the Jets for $400,000.00 plus a Lincoln convertible. If you get a chance and even if don’t like him, it is well worth watching.
Just in off the wire…the beavers on the lake in the back of Goodell’s estate have applied for a franchise in the dam building league.Goodell fired off an email, yes an email to Commissioner Beaver…FUCK YOU… not on my property…strong letter to follow.
I believe Roger the Dodger is an attorney and therefore able to pen such detailed and forceful documents.
If you have never seen a My Pillow advertisement on TV or listened to one on the radio welcome back to earth.
Hey I don’t sleep much and I got sick and tired of these ads so I bought one. Why…because Mike tells me all his pillows are made in Minnesota, that his pillow is the National Sleep Association’s official pillow… thinking his ads would go away and foolish me, help me sleep.
His pillows are made in Minnesota.
Have you bought goldfrom William Devane yet?
Well apparentlyyou better hurry up because Minnesota is running out of gold.
I am not saying this charity is not a good one but please enough of this song and advertisement. I will not post the song cuz if I did I would have to start taking drugs made in Minnesota…but I have posted a before and after picture of this “kid”. The ad has been around for awhile and the “kid” is no longer a kid. He now conducts his “business” in Minnesota.
One on my all time favorites advertising campaigns featured a girl called Rula Lenska an English actress. She mainly appeared in United Kingdom productions, but also appeared in a US advertising campaign that presented her as a celebrity. If your not around my age you won’t have a clue who she is and for that matter, when the ads were run, no one had a clue who she was either.
…But what I like about the campaign was she was presented as a celebrity and because of that she became one.
Hi…I’m Rula Lenska
Rula now lives in New Ulm Minnesota with “beaver” the cat who is a celebrity in her own right.
Coming next the “Commissioners” … Brady…Goodell … and beaver refugees from Minnesota.
“Only those who dare will drive the world forward” is a line from a new commercial for Cadillac and it got me thinking about risk takers. Again.
In my lifetime, that would included people like Neil Armstrong, Bill Russell, Ronald Reagan, George Carlin, Andy Warhol, Bill Gates, Condoleezza Rice, John Coltrane, Warren Zevon and Ferris Bueller.
I would suspect that early mistakes, setbacks and a mindset to succeed drove them to greatness.
Those that dare make mistakes. Those that dare live life. Those that dare drive the world.
Not too sure if they drive a Cadillac.
Why the above? I’m sure your list is different and as Ferris would say “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it.”
I can’t imagine what Ferris’ story would be like if he took Cameron’s VW rather than the Ferrari.
Well now…I assume all of you have seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and therefore know what I’m talking about. I just watched it for the “lost count” time.
I’m at a convention in Atlanta and before I hit the floor I’m having a quick beverage in the bar at my hotel. There are four people in the bar, the bartender, me and two guys at the end of the bar. One of the guys is Ben Stein, he plays the high school teacher in the movie and I start saying louder and louder “anyone, anyone, anyone” and he waves me over and we had a great chat about politics and Ferris.
A business colleague of mine used to say “In your lifetime you will take at least two trips in a Cadillac, one when you are matched and the other when your detached.
I have said it many times before, those that offer up their soul through a creative life, that dares to present their work before the public, are true risk takers. Risk takers that would have no problem driving the world forward in a Pink Cadillac.
Once again I must salute risk taker John Renwick and all the volunteers and artists that have made ArtBank a great success. If you have the time and interest take a look at www.artbank.bunclody.eu/.
You might find it daring.
If I may also suggest you re-visit the top of the page and look at the picture and listen to Keep me in your heart by Zevon again. It’s the last track on this album and if you don’t know anything about him it’s a teary farewell to family, friends and fans. The picture tells it all.
Warren Zevon knew he was dying when he began recording his final and best album and two weeks after it was released he did.
…and why you may ask would I do that. I have had a beard for a good part of my life, a white one at that and it will soon be gone. So when my picture is taken by all the security cameras with a, I think I’ll dye it red, beard, the authorities will be totally confused….oh ya.
Something just doesn’t seem right with this plan. Maybe I should consider a 7/11 store or a Cumberland Farms gas station. I need some help here. There has got to be a way I can make money on this deal.
…and then there are people that say, no one will buy your stuff if you don’t have a beard. I am trying to figure that one out cuz no one buys my stuff with a beard either.
Ok…I heard what you just said.
The Urban Beardsman lists five reason for growing a beard and they are:
Beards look cool
Someone else suggests it
Covering up what’s beneath
Once again you may ask, why did I grow a beard, you might as well ask the most interesting man in the world.
I suspect my answer would be different than his.
…to be continued
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