I think I’ve gautit.
After reading Emmet Riordan in the Irish Times (England make history in style) it becomes crystal clear to me what this game is all about. He writes …it had seemed a formality since the end of day three in the final Test at Sydney that they would wrap up a series win … an innings-and-83-run and consequent 3-1 verdict confirmed…the leading wicket-taker’s (Alastair Cook) seven in the match took up to 24 for the campaign and Cook’s 189 in England’s 644 … so it was when England needed only three more wickets but were held up by a stand of 86 between Peter Siddle and Steve Smith (54no) …before Graeme Swann got the former, for a career-best 43, and the second new ball did the rest…
The scoreboard reads: Australia – First innings 280 – England -First innings 644
You ask … what the f*ck is a test match? Very good question. Well it is not a real game but it is and it is called a test match because it is in another country and I think they take a geography test after the match…that’s really where “Test” comes from. Now this bloke Alastair Cook, wasn’t he that old English guy that did a show on PBS in the states? I think he died some time back. So where did this Alastair Cook come from? Whoa don’t even want to think about that one.
Now this first innings runs stuff. Pretty impressive scoring there mates. Where did you get your designated hitters from?…and doesn’t look like your bull pens are getting the job done.
After consulting with Wipedia I gathered the following information for all you new fans of cricket, of special note are the objectives of the game…score more runs and dismiss the other team…f*cking brilliant strategy.
The objective of each team is to score more runs than the other team and to completely dismiss the other team. In limited overs cricket, winning the game is achieved by scoring the most runs, even if the opposition has not been completely dismissed. In Test cricket, it is necessary to score the most runs and dismiss the opposition twice in order to win the match, which would otherwise be drawn.
Rules and play
A cricket match is played between two teams (or sides) of eleven players each on a fieldp of variable size and shape.
The key action takes place in a specially prepared area of the field (generally in the centre) that is called the pitch. A run is scored when the batsman has run the length of the pitch after hitting the ball with his bat, although as explained below there are many ways of scoring runs. If the batsmen are not attempting to score any more runs, the ball is dead and is returned to the bowler to be bowled again.
Before play commences, the two team captains toss a coin to decide which team shall bat or bowl first. The captain who wins the toss makes his decision on the basis of tactical considerations which may include the current and expected field and weather conditions.
The bowling side seeks to dismiss the batsmen by various means until the batting side is all out, whereupon the side that was bowling takes its turn to bat and the side that was batting must take the field.
In professional matches, there are 15 people on the field while a match is in play. Two of these are the umpires who regulate all on-field activity. Two are the batsmen, one of whom is the striker as he is facing the bowling; the other is called the non-striker. The roles of the batsmen are interchangeable as runs are scored and overs are completed. The fielding side has all 11 players on the field together. One of them is the bowler, another is the wicketkeeper and the other nine are called fielders. The wicketkeeper (or keeper) is nearly always a specialist but any of the fielders can be called upon to bowl.
Now with a complete understanding of Cricket…you’re dismissed…but should you have any questions about this game or where Sydney is, give me a shout out.